In Defense of Social Media

If you don't subscribe to social media, then you will turn to reality television.
If you turn to reality television, then you'll apply to be on a reality tv show.
If you get on the reality tv show, then you'll meet a cross-eyed witch doctor from New Brunswick.
If you meet the cross-eyed witch doctor from New Brunswick, then you'll marry the cross-eyed witch doctor from New Brunswick.

Moral: Don't marry a cross-eyed witch doctor from New Brunswick.